The Circle within a Circle

“He said a quick hi to her and moved on, not once looking back and failing to see the disappointment on her face. She had hoped to sit with him, for awhile if not too long, and talk at length about life, love and random things here and there. But he had many friends, many hi’s to say, quite a few commitments to keep. ”

You come to college with this thought that you have to make many friends- some contacts, some really close friends; basically you have to stay popular. I came to college with pretty much the same ideas. And to be honest, I have made a lot of friends, acquaintances, contacts whatever you call them. And it feels nice, being brutally honest, to have so many people who know you.

But somewhere in the myriad of friends I have lost and gotten lost!

There have been so many occasions that I walk along with a group of friends and suddenly switch off, feel completely distant… alone!

One could very well say that it is my fault but I would question that! They would say that you should make an effort to join the conversation, but that seems a tough ask since I have little clue of what they are talking about in the first place!

So many times it has happened that I go out with someone for the sole reason that I get the feeling that I belong!

I am part of a circle of friends- these friends of mine are a part of another circle of friends, whom then I also get related to and it goes on and on and on like this.

At times it gets so frustrating that I feel I am just there for the heck of being there, I can’t really connect with anyone.

It feels like a burden.

I am the burden.

Essentially I am a part of a circle within a circle, and with too many circles the whole idea of friendship goes for a toss. It becomes hard to maintain a proper relationship even the closest of your friends.

This is true with everyone, not just me; spending time with one friend will often make you think about the other person who does not get the opportunity of spending some time with you. You are always in a dilemma and that feeling sucks.

That is the feeling that makes you go like, “Ahh, I wish all of us were together, then none of these feelings would rise anyway.”

But like everything else in the world, there is always the bad side to everything.

However much one would like everyone to be together, the law of friendship doesn’t allow that. Problems always arise, someone or the other always has a problem with someone else due to which groups break up and become sub groups, which at times, as funny as it sounds, break up even further.

I have often found myself embroiled in such situations and they have left their painful marks behind. Not being a patient person when it comes to friendships sometimes can really harm you.

Again, I talk with experience.

I anger someone or get angry with someone; I mince no words in letting that particular person know. Call it a good thing or bad this is how I am and this is how I shall stay!

People think that I am naïve if I say that it is still possible to have that one huge group that we had in the beginning of our college days.

Why can’t we?

Yes I agree that as we come to know people, we start liking or disliking them more or less but what happens to that guy who doesn’t only have friends in that one small group but the other one also which has further divided itself into factions!

Why is he deprived of enjoying the company of that one huge happy group of which he was proudly a part of?

And then group politics ruins it all even further. He doesn’t like her, and she doesn’t like that someone else from some other group.

He’s a bitch, she’s a dog! He is this, she is that….and on and on and on…

Maybe this is the “FUN” of college life- the politics, the fights, the circles within the circles…..

BUT…

What happens to that guy who still awaits that special group of friends who he still wants to sit and have coffee with- to chat, laugh and cry with?

All he wants is to belong, feel that his presence counts….let go of the feeling that leaves him empty and feeling nothing……